The Rugby Roundtable

RRT News 6/10/08

Auckland may be out of the Air New Zealand cup but the Auckland women’s team have been crowned national champions. The blue and white-etes edged Canterbury in the final to retain the national title 13 points to12.

5 new caps have been included in the Black Ferns for this months test series against Australia. Olivia Coady, Halie Hurring, Stephanie Te Ohaere-Fox, Doris Taufateau and Selica Winiata are the newcomers in the 24 strong squad. The team will be captained by Canterbury’s Melissa Ruscoe and steered by 43 year old first five 8 Anna Richards. The two tests will be played in Australia on October 14 and 18.

All Black Lock Brad Thorne will play for Tasman in this week’s quarter-final against Canterbury. Tasman manager John Caldwell says Thorne is jumping out of his skin to play.

Richie McCaw is expected to train with Canterbury this week. Canterbury Coach Rob Penney says McCaw has yet to decide whether he will play for his province in the quarter final.

Finally, the Irish rugby union has decreed Irish test players will not be available for Munster when they play the All Blacks. Colin Coyle says the All Blacks will now surely bend Munster over and give it to them good and proper.

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RRT News 29/9/08

The IRB has proposed a biennial World Series involving the 6 nations, tri nations and Argentina. Teams would accrue World Series points during their regular competitions. All Black captain Richie McCaw says the World Series would add something to world Rugby. McCaw says with World Series points riding on every test match it teams would have more to play for.

The Alternative Rugby Commentary has been honoured by Australian advertising awards. For Channel 7’s Bledisloe Cup promotion the ARC was awarded a Gold Muse for funniest promo and a Gold Isis for best 2D animation. Alternative Rugby Commentator Jed Thian says what the fuck is an isis?

A Welsh rugby player has been sentenced to a year in prison for biting. Flanker Gareth Jones of the Star club in Cardiff was convicted in the Cardiff Crown Court after he removed an opponents ear with his teeth. Judge Stephen Hopkins described the attack as barbaric and mindless ear-roneous.

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RRT News 22/9/08

Naughty number 9’s are Henjacking the headlines. Jimmy Cowan has pleaded guilty 2 charges of misconduct in Dunedin and Invercargill. Cowan still faces another similar charge. Piri Weepu has also been charged with disorderly conduct and Springbok Ricky Januarie was arrested in Cape Town last week for drunk driving. Spokesman from the Society for Small Man’s Syndrome Steve Little says don’t fuck with me or I’ll rip your fucking face off.

Warren Gatland has warned his Grand Slam-winning Welshmen not to expect automatic selection to face the All Blacks. Gatland says several key Welsh men played poorly in South Africa and they know who they are.

League turned rugby bad boy Sonny Bill Williams has been officially named Australia’s most hated person. Williams edged out Bali bomber Amrozi for the prize.

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RRT News 15/9/08

Hamiltonians are feeling hard done by after missing out on the bronze final for the 2011 World cup. Hamilton mayor Bob Simcock says Waikato was strongly encouraged to bid for hosting rights to the bronze final. Tournament organiser Martin Snedden says Eden Park was awarded the match because of its larger seating capacity. Mayor Simcock says organisers knew Rugby Park was smaller and therefore Hamilton should not have been encouraged to waste money on the bid.

Start saving your pocket money if you want tickets to 2011 finals. Martin Snedden says because sponsorship and viewing rites for the World cup are collected by the IRB, the only way for New Zealand to cash in on the tournament is at the gate. Playoff tickets not sold in tourist packages are expected to cost locals a pretty penny, a small fortune, an arm and a leg and anal virginity.

Plans for a mini world cup in Australia next year have been scuttled by the IRB. The ARU proposed the tournament as an alternative to European unions sending their B teams down under. The ARU says the second string 6 Nations sides are failing to generate enough interest in rugby prior to the tri-nations. The only person interested in the England team that toured the southern hemisphere in June was an Auckland school girl who got Topsy with Ojo.

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RRT News 8/9/08

Former referee Paul Honiss has accused Australia of cheating during the Bledisloe cup. Honiss says during Bledisloe 1 George Smith and Rocky Elsom were regularly offside at the breakdown and chasers were often ahead of the kicker. He says the Wallabies held opposition players back, deliberately collapsed the scrum and mugged old ladies for their hearing aids.

International referee Lyndon Bray has announced his retirement from all rugby. The 41 year old blew the whistle on 119 first class fixtures including seven tests. Bray will take up the post of IRB Referee Manager of the Sevens World Series and the Pacific Nations Cup. Bray says he’s looking forward to making a difference to refereeing off the field.

Wellington and Christchurch will host the quarterfinals at the 2011 world cup. Auckland will host the semi finals, final and the bronze final.

The future of the NPC has been outlined in a final draft document following a review of the competition. Union boss Steve Tew says unions, players and fans were consulted. Tew says the draft confirms the competition’s reduction from 14 to 12 teams as well as instigating a promotion relegation playoff. He says the review also proposes the creation of a club rugby window and a national club finals day. The draft document is due to be ratified at the end of September.

The Sharks surfed back to the top of the Currie Cup with a 34-25 victory over the Blue Bulls. After 10 weeks, the Bulls are in second and the Cheetahs are in third.

Springbok coach Pieter de Villiers has accused the South African media of mounting a campaign against him. The Weekender Newspaper alleges De Villiers accepted a bribe from a player to influence selection policy. De Villiers and the South African Union have strongly denied there was any blackmail attempt to influence selection although bribes are regularly accepted to allocate seats on the bus and to determine who picks up the soap in the shower.

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RRT News 1/9/08

Former Samoan Captain Peter Fatialofa says it’s a shame that New Zealand provincial unions have refused to release Samoan players for this week’s test. Fats says it’s a big ask for the Samoan locals to fly the flag, but at least young talent will get to experience test rugby.

The IRB wants to remove test status from games between rugby superpowers and minnows. IRB boss Mike Miller says it’s hard to justify test status for games outside the 6 nations, tri nations and the rugby world cup.

Graeme Henry has defended the test status given to the All Black’s match against Samoa. Henry is fielding his strongest possible side against Samoa but the All Blacks are expected to be drunk.

After 9 rounds there’s a see saw a-top the Currie cup log as the Blue Bulls move back into the lead with a 37 to 6 hiding of Western Province. The Sharks are in second place after felling the Cavaliers 41- 7 and the Cheetahs are sitting in third.

The quarter finals of the 2010 World Cup may only be played in 2 cities. Auckland will host the semi-finals and the final and now IRB boss Mike Miller prefers that the quarter finals be held in Auckland and only one other venue. The IRB advocates that the use of just two cities for the finals — gives teams and traveling fans logistical and financial security. It also ensures repeat visits to prostitutes. Miller says there is still a chance Wellington and Christchurch could both be used to stage quarter finals — as long as tournament organisers can mitigate the financial impact on the Whores.

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RRT News 25/8/08

Samoa will field a B team for their up coming test match against the All Blacks. Samoan coach Niko Palamo says he’ll be lucky to have one or two players from side that played in the Pacific Nations Cup. English clubs are refusing to release their Samoan internationals and New Zealand provincial unions may hold back their Samoans.

The international Olympic committee may include 7’s rugby in the 2016 Olympics. Sevens will have to compete for an Olympic birth with sports like Golf, Karate, squash and roller disco.

The Cheetahs have retaken first place on the Currie Cup log after lambasting the lions 38-28. The Bulls sit in second and the Sharks have swum into third.

Mile High stadium in Denver, Colorada may host the Bledisloe cup. New Zealand Rugby Union Boss Steve Tew says the Union is investigating the possibility of staging a test in the United States next year. Tew says there’s an appetite for big tests on foreign soil.

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RRT News 18/8/08

Australia has shown interest in hosting either the 2015 or 2019 Rugby World Cup. The IRB will decide the hosts for both events next July.

Clint Eastwood is looking for actors to appear in movie about the 1995 World Cup final. Actor Matt Damon is reported to be playing Springbok captain Francois Pienaar. Morgan Freeman will play Nelson Mandela and Pamela Anderson will star as Chesty Williams.

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RRT News 11/8/08

Auckland halfback Taniela Moa will join the All Blacks in South Africa as a replacement for Andy Ellis. Ellis has aggravated a rib injury sustained during the All Blacks loss to Australia. Moa will play for Auckland in this weekend’s NPC before flying to Cape Town next week. Halfbacks Jimmy Cowan and Piri Weepu are already part of the All Blacks’ 26-man traveling squad.

Springbok coach Peter De Villiers has accused the All Blacks of cheating in lineouts and scrums ahead of this weekend’s clash in Cape Town. De Villiers says referee Matt Goddard will need to apply the laws sternly. De Villiers says the All Blacks use illegal tactics and if it is illegal, it is not allowed.

France is expected to play two tests in New Zealand and one in Australia next year. NZRU chairman Jock Hobbs says top French players will again be unavailable for the tour as the French club final is not scheduled until June 6.

Australian rugby boss John O’Neil says Australia and New Zealand can stage their own build up to the tri-nations rather than hosting second-string sides northern hemisphere. O’Neill says the Wallabies could play the Crusaders, Blues and Hurricanes while the All Blacks could square off against the Waratahs, Reds and Brumbies.

The Lions have moved into third place in the Currie Cup thanks to a 30-27 bonus-point win over the Blue Bulls in Pretoria. The Sharks returned to the top of the Currie Cup with a convincing 32-10 victory over Western Province. The Cheetahs are one point off the Sharks in 2^nd place after a 22-3 win over the Griquas.

After just 40 minutes of rugby union, Sonny Bill Williams says he wants to play for the All Blacks at the 2011 World Cup. Williams says he wants to be known as one the best Number 13’s in world rugby.

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RRT News 4/8/08

New Zealand’s best heartland provincial rugby players will tour the United States in November. The New Zealand Heartland XV will be selected from players competing in the Heartland Championship. The Heartland XV will play two games on their first tour of the United States.

The Blue Bulls moved back to the top of the Currie Cup standings with an emphatic win over the Valke, but the Lions earned the most telling victory of round seven as they downed the Western Province at Ellis Park.

The Free State Cheetahs clawed their way to a 15-10 victory over the spirited Boland Kavaliers in Wellington and the Sharks had a 44-15 victory over the Wildeklawer Griquas in Kimberley.

French rugby club Toulon says it is days away from signing runaway league star Sonny Bill Williams. The 22-year-old Auckland-born former Bulldogs star has a Samoan passport, allowing him to bypass European limits on foreign players.

The agent of Wests Tigers five-eighth Benji Marshall says his client would consider a switch of codes if an offer came from Europe. Agent Martin Tauber says he has not had any contact with European clubs, but he says the prospect of a massive contract would be difficult to pass up.

Only two players from champion club Northern United have been selected in the Wellington Pride. Coach Grant Edmonds says when you’re dealing with a group of 35 girls it’s hard to choose players who only show up to 2 trainings out of 12. Johnsonville is the most represented club in the 27-strong squad, which includes Canadian international Meghan Mutrie. The Wellington Pride plays its first pre-season match against Hawke’s Bay in Ashhurst on Sunday.

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RRT News July 28, 2008

Unwanted All Black loose forward Chris Masoe has signed a two-year deal with French club Castres. The 29-year-old Hurricane, Taranaki and Wellington open-side flanker played 20 tests for the All Blacks.

All Blacks Andrew Hore, Anthony Boric and Adam Thomson have extended their contracts with the New Zealand Rugby Union. The 30-year-old Hore has re-signed until the end of the 2011 season while both Boric and Thomson have signed until the end of 2010. The NZRU say they are glad to have secured Hore’s experience and leadership and to see commitment from developing talent like Boric and Thompson.

Todd Blackadder has been named coach of the Crusaders. Mark Hammett will continue as the Crusader’s assistant coach and Daryl Gibson is expected to join him as an assistant.

Just days after announcing his retirement from playing rugby, Jono Gibbes has accepted a coaching position with Leinster in Ireland.

Samoa have won the Oceania qualifying tournament for the Dubai sevens world cup. Australia won the women’s competition at the same event in Apia. Men’s runner up Tonga and Women’s 2^nd place New Zealand also qualify for the Rash of the Sand Monkey in Dubai next March.

Italy will bid to host the Rugby World cup in 2015 or 2019. Italian Rugby Union chief executive Giancarlo Dondi says he wants to bring the world’s third most important sporting event to Italy. Dondi says to host the event Italians will dress like Mussolini and carve Sicily into the shape of a rugby ball.

The Alternative Rugby Commentary will tour Hong Kong and the United Kingdom later this year. Alternative Rugby commentator Jed Thian says the ARC will be live in Great Britain as the All Blacks attempt to Grand Slam the home nations. More details of the ARC Grand slam tour will be announced shortly.

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RRT News July 21, 2008.

Hot on the heels of Hanover qualification for next year’s World Cup in Dubai “The rash of the sand-monkey,” continues this week in Oceania. Samoa, Tonga, Papua New Guinea, Cook Islands, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Niue and Tahiti go head to head royal rumble style this weekend in Apia, Samoa.

Jono Gibbes has announced his retirement from all rugby. Gibbes has succumbed to an ongoing injury to his left knee. The 31-year-old former All Black and New Zealand Maori says he is pursuing an opportunity to coach in the Northern Hemisphere.

Manawatu is likely to get a game. Sport Manawatu chief executive Andrea Durie says Palmerston North has a good chance of hosting games at the 2011 world cup. Durie says the Manawatu Arena has fiber-optic cabling and a central location, which even Wellington can’t match.

Joe Rokocoko could be the next able seamen on Her Majesty’s rugby exodus. The star All Black and Blues winger says he’s torn between signing overseas and playing for the All Blacks in the next rugby world cup. Rokocoko is off contract at the end of the year and he is considering an offer from French club Bayonne.

Eden Park may not have to sell its naming rights to be ready for the world cup. Eden Park redevelopment board chief executive Adam Feeley says there is a worldwide trend for sponsors to preserve tradition. Unlike the Westpac Trust, Fran Wilde Memorial, cake tin and the AMI, Jade stadium, peaches and cream, Lancater park. The Blue Chip, Destiny church, John Banks memorial garden of Eden just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

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