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Kia Ora from the land of the complimentary test ticket.
Well, the wanna-be’s test campaign against the French got off to a good start with the announcement that Matt “the pudding” Dunning would be missing with injury. Apparently the injury occurred when the rest of the team realised it was the only way they could be rid of the fat bastard.
French sideshow Sebastian Chabal was unusually vocal in the lead up to the first test, announcing that he no longer wanted to be known as “The Caveman” but would prefer the decidedly less tough moniker of “Sea bass”…
What is his flippin’ problem? Maybe he’s upset that the rest of the world has caught up to me in realising that he’s simply getting by on a catchy nickname and looking a bit weird, whilst not actually being particularly good at playing rugby. Sea bass – you’re a tool.
Another interesting piece of media this week – in the build up to the first All Blacks-Wallabies test, Sydney Morning Herald Journo Phil Wilkins has been asked to list his top five Bledisloe Cup games.
He kicked things off with describing the thrills of the final match of the 1929 series. Eh? To remember the details of that game, he’d have to be well over 85 years old. He is a backward old dinosaur, out of touch with the modern game, but he isn’t that old, and there’s no film of the game, so what the hell does he know about it?
I would suggest that he only included it because that was the first time the criminals won a series against us. Also, the Bledisloe Cup didn’t even exist until 1931…
The ARU responded to reports that they had been giving away free tickets for the Australia- France test at Sydney’s Olympic Stadium by spinning some bullshit about the ground at Homebush being “cursed”. Whatever you try and say boys, the truth is that people aren’t interested.
Now, I’m going to do something unusual here and offer some support to John O’Neill’s possum and the rest of the Aussie rugby intelligentsia on this issue. Here goes…
Why aren’t people interested in these June tours? I’ll tell you why – ‘cos those useless pricks up in the Northern Hemisphere can’t get it together amongst themselves to sort out sending decent teams down here to play us. England didn’t even send a coach this year! What’s the story?
You’re ripping us off you bastards, and I’ll take it upon myself to speak on behalf of the rugby public up there in the North as well, because you’re ripping them off too. I was sitting in the stands at Stade de France in 2002 when John Mitchell rolled out a sub-standard All Blacks team which scraped a draw with the frogs 20-20, and I can tell you that watching the team you support under-achieving because the fat idiots in charge are allowing the legs to be cut out from under the national jersey is a bloody unpleasant experience.
On behalf of the Rugby Universe, the message to rugby administrators worldwide is this- Get into the room of mirrors, take a good, long, hard look at yourself then do the right thing by everybody and SORT THIS MESS OUT, once and for all.
Finally, the man with the name everyone loves to hate (including himself), Rocky Elsom, has been given a an early release to join Leinster (well spotted Staf) after the Tri-Nations. The release was officially granted on “compassionate grounds”, but nobody seemed to be able to explain what these “grounds” are.
Allow me to switch on the Aussie-speak translator again. What this really means is “Rocky is the arguably our best player and if we don’t let him do whatever he wants he’ll bugger off to the big money up north permanently and not give us, our baby-poo orange jumper, waltzing matilda or tah man a second thought, and we just can’t cop that”.
Money is truly the root of all evil. That, or Jimmy Cowan with a few jugs inside him.
Now for this weeks’ edition of CSI: Brisbane – Crime Scene Inebriation
The Normanby Hotel, Red Hill.
Okay ladies and Gentlemen – if you’ve heard of Brisbane, then you’ve heard of the Normanby Hotel.
This is yet another of Queensland’s fine and ancient old drinking establishments that has had a bit of a refurb and is now back in the domain of the young and the binge-drinking.
This watering hole sits just on the outskirts of the city and no more than a 10 minute stumble from Suncorp Stadium. The hotel is laid out over several different indoor and outdoor levels and although it offers the important amenities of a good feed, live music and a bit of a punt for the gamblers, it is mostly known for being extremely serious about drinking and drinking hard.
The Normanby Hotel has achieved a certain notoriety in 2008 for the amount of drunken misadventure taking place in and around the venue. From brawling in the street to a high rate of intoxicated casualties to bat attacks in the beer garden (yes, bats - like the vampire. I told you this country was primitive) there has been no shortage of controversy surrounding this out and out party joint.
There has been a lot of public outcry over the Normanby’s situation and they have even had to show reason to the government why they shouldn’t be shut down. Simply type the name into a Facebook search and you’ll find groups supporting and condemning the place in equal measure.
Popularly regarded as putting on the best Sunday session in Brisbane, the Normanby Hotel is always packed to the rafters and a good place for those who aren’t bothered by a slightly “unpolished” atmosphere (wear your gumboots).
It must be noted that the bar staff are predominately female and seem to be selected for their aesthetic value as opposed to drink-serving abilities. This means that you do have a long wait for your beer, but at least you’ll have a nice view for the duration.
Finally, I’d like to add that the last three times I was there, so were the Wallabies. Yes – Dan Vickerman is bloody tall (I thought he was standing on a chair), and I once saw George Smith pick up another human being and do bicep curls with the guy.
Impressive, but they’re still just crooks.
Some photos from the hazy aftermath of the Australia-France test 28-6-08. Hold the cursor over each pic for the caption.










