The Rugby Roundtable

I was told of a wonderful moment in the Rugby Universe the other day, it occurred in France, a club field featuring two former All Black props appearing as professionals in a top division competition fixture.  The game was new-ish, maybe a handful of minutes old.  As one expects in France the action was hot and heavy straight away, no camera’s, TMO’s or vegetarians were present so the truth of French Rugby was laid bare.

From a ruck the first of our All Blacks was struck with enough effort to put him on notice – how does one know when an All Black is aware of your presence?  He will stand upright and look at you in the eye.

Your next move in this situation is all important.  It will dictate the future, a long cold look back will lock in the message that you will not be backed down by a reputation.  This is not only the preferred action, but also the more refined one, speaking volumes about you as a Rugby player and as an individual.  It says, ‘hey, I’m happy to play the game hard and fair, I don’t even mind a little bit of cheating, it’s good – but if you think you’re going to pull that stunt on me mate.  You’re in for a fucken hiding’.

The inadvisable option is to rattle the saber, flash the guns or raise your fists in a manner that indicates things are ‘go’.

Especially to an All Black prop, former or not.

The ruck was spontaneously consumed with skin curdling crunches, the kind that result in teeth being found by an Archaeologist  in future centuries and on this occasion there were more teeth to be found than usual, as both Islanders stood shoulder to shoulder firing off shots in three and four punch combinations.  Bodies were bouncing off the ground, then back onto their feet and charging straight back in – only to begin the process again and the running battle erupted with regularity.

It was carnage.  But then it was France.  Immediately after the match a five course meal with silver service and enhancing bottles of seriously good wine were offered up to both teams as the string quartet lubricated the social ramp.

The men who had been losing blood and teeth sat together easily, warmed with the good company at this fine pageant of conviviality.

Saturday night just passed was marred by some odd slight of hand, firstly Sergio Parisse the Italian Captain and 2008 IRB Player of The Year Nominee was cited and consequently banned for 8 weeks for eye gouging.  It was a tidy bit of work from the skipper, looking one way while nicking the eye socket of the All Black rookie, far from damaging but certainly painful if done correctly.  The reaction from Ross was… well, unfortunate although it wasn’t nearly as unpalatable as Thompson taking a Kockett to the face.

Meanwhile in Pretoria Schalk Burger opened the game with what is the Rugby equivalent to a ’snuff’ movie., raking; perhaps even nearly taking, the eye’s of the Lions winger, who had arrived at a ruck uninvited.

Just a quick note to all outside backs.  If you see a ruck form in the opening moments of a vitally important Rugby match – STAY AWAY.

Schalk is now a ‘gone-burger’ and but probably got himself another ten minutes more in the game for rest.

But the reality of it is this, attacking the eye’s is not nice.  It is dangerous and despite hitting the pitch to ’smash some cunts’ no one; I believe, wants to mame or permanently injure another.  It might happen but I seriously doubt anyone has done it on purpose – except on occasion Richard Loe.  Even then he was just trying a few things.

Of course all this would be sorted out faster than you can say ‘retaliation’.

If there were still rucking in the game…