The Rugby Roundtable

Kia Ora from HM Prison Australia and the State where losing is back in fashion.

There was no rugby in my neck of the jail this weekend, so the main focus up here was on the other code, which put on the first game of the annual rugby league “State of Origin” series in Sydney during the week.

It’s fair to say that the utter lack of ability displayed by the Reds this year has had a big effect on the rest of the state as the Queensland rugby league team went into Wednesday nights’ game as overwhelming favourites, only to finish up on the wrong end of an 18-10 scoreline.

Present at the game were the Sharks, who attended the match as part of the build up for their semi-final against the tah-tahs. Coach Dick Muir said they enjoyed the game and were particularly interested in the defensive aspect of it. Obviously the bits that stuck most in their minds were the missed tackles, which became evident as the tah-tahs saw off the South African invaders with relative ease.

Australia is full of gum trees as everybody knows, and it now seems the criminals have taken to smoking the leaves as a rumour has emerged that florist McKenzie is going to take over at the Crusaders once Robbie “I’m getting paid more than all the Wallabies put together” Deans leaves. I was going to make a joke about this suggestion, but I think it’s probably funny enough on its own.

ARU boss John O’Neill spoke out on recruiting this week when he commented on the subject of rugby league players;

“We’re just not interested in them full stop. It’s not about affordability, it’s about concentrating our own investment dollars in our own backyard.”

Having said this, he then demonstrated the ARU’s commitment to investing in their own backyard by stating that they would be focusing on recruiting leaguies from the under 20 competition rather than the NRL. He really should leave the talking to the possum that lives on his head.

The Smith brothers, George and Tyrone caused celebrations in toytown this week, as the Brumbies’ duo won awards as the top Australian Super 14 player and Super 14 rookie respectively.

George snuck through for his third consecutive title ahead of “Aussie” Dan Vickerman and Chris Latham ranked highly also, despite not even being on the field for half the season, which says a lot about the state of aussie rugby. Any rumours that Phil Waugh actually won but was disqualified as he technically isn’t human anymore, are yet to be confirmed.

Tyrone meanwhile, picked up his prestigious gong ahead of stiff competiton from the likes of Tom Carter (?), Tom Hockings (???) and the pie with eyes, Leroy Houston.

Over here, any large Polynesian that scores a few tries in club rugby is immediately labelled “the new Jonah Lomu”, and the convict media are beside themselves with the news of the latest one.

Ratu Nasiganiyavi is 20 years old and comes with the added bonus of being Lote Tuqiri’s cousin. He plays for Randwick in the Sydney competition and when he arrived they couldn’t find a jersey big enough to fit him, which apparently means he’s going to be a star. He’s been named in the Australian under-20 team, but Rusty will probably come along with a big cash offer and nab him for the Rabbits in the NRL. 

Finally, this weeks’ edition of CSI: Brisbane – Crime Scene Inebriation.

The Groove Train – Eagle Pier, City.

I’ve carried on last weeks’ bohemian theme in picking this riverside establishment, which is every bit as relaxed as it sounds. This place is a café/bar that could pass itself off as a well-furnished branch of Real Groovy records. The interior theme is orange, brown and concert poster wallpaper. No pool tables in this joint, instead there are 80’s style spacies games, the kind that are as big as a table and seat two players on either side. Playing Donkey Kong, Pacman or Galaga while knocking back a few beers and listening to some chilled tunes is a pretty pleasant way to pass the time.

The food is fantastic and cheap, and range of booze is extensive but unfortunately not so cheap (and no, radler is not available). The venue is in the heart of the city and open from 7am until late every day, so it is probably best suited for pre-game drinks and snacks, or a visit for the hangover-curing breakfast, coffee and sunshine on Sunday morning.