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Yes believers, I was in the middle of the rubbish tip that is Sydney. Much to my disgust the slippery slide that is the Kiwi dollar, meant that the only way I could make it to the big show was via Crookland.
To be honest giving the crims the slip isn’t really that hard, all you have to do is be honest with them – boy does that throw them. After landing I immediately patched a call to a senior member of the offshore surveillance team and made my way at speed in an unmarked vehicle to a stronghold of Sydney known covertly as ‘Manly’, where I gave a three hour presentation on why we are morally, naturally, organically better than the crooks. Many turned out and it was encouraging to see the black line in this brief stop over, they are buoyant and firm in their faith in the blackness and their ability to win.
After my stirring address, it was back to Crookland International Getaway where thousands of people were waiting to escape bail. i was sure that the ‘minders’ were looking for me, I could feel their scruffy marsupial eyes upon me. I felt unclean, but sticking to my training I was able to not only to allude Criminal Element by posing as a larger Polynesian sitting at Mick-D’s. None of the uniformed inmates were able to recognise me and before you could say ’sorry for stealing all your land’ I was on QF-31 and out of there.
And so it was with great heart that I saw the great city of London below me earlier this morning. The flight although long has found me on the ground in Clapham, casing the joint out.
I wish you all the best and remember the moral of the story.
Where possible – fly direct.
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hmm…its a concern. i guess to people in the uk, its like having to drive through wales to get to the ferry to ireland. a necessary evil.
Comment by fraser davidson August 29, 2007 @ 6:21 amWelcome to the Northern Hemisphere Jed. It’s a pleasure to have you here. Get stuck into that Fullers’London Pride ale, beauty with steak or fish and chips. Don’t forget to catch a soccer game while your there and remember, there’s plenty of crooks around that place.
Comment by Collie Coyle August 29, 2007 @ 1:36 pmDon’t bother with the soccer game Collie suggested, Jed. It’d just take the focus away from your purpose: support of blackness!
Comment by Lorraine Tyler August 30, 2007 @ 3:32 amThanks for the advice about flying direct. Later this year, I’ll have to traverse Chicago and LA on my way to NZ, but at least I won’t stop in Aussie….
Have fun getting the clap in Clapham.
@MMD
I told you. The ladies were just waiting for the call to arms.
@All
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Dispatch RWC070830ARC
From: SIR
To: BRIS
Subject: Operation Conquest, Phase 1
Big Gun has arrived. Big Army on the way.
Operatives report hostiles unaware.
Our covert agents are in place.
Couterintelligence measures deployed to protect BG and BA.
Advise avoid:
A) Crim double-agents who want shout BG some beers
B) Friendly French women.
C) Butchers, all butchers, every singlo one of them. They are all covert SARU agents.
SIR
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Comment by Gato August 30, 2007 @ 4:42 am[Closing ports: encryption time 00:00:12.39]
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Dispatch RWC010907AB
From: SIR
To: BRIS
Subject: Operation Black Shield
Our sources inform of a convergence of enemy counter-agents with the intent to disrupt the ARC-London Operations.
BRIS and SIR counter-intelligence operatives have been deployed to protect the Jedi. Will advise in message to follow.
Meanwhile, we advise the Jedi to avoid the following risk sources:
1) French women ~ bound to use “honey pot” techniques trap him and pump him for classified information.
2) Butchers ~ all European ones have SARU connections. Avoid sausages like the plague. Live on fish&chips and beer as their preferred tactic, according to sources, is food poisoning.
3) Florists/Horticulturists ~ Main sponsors of the English team. Avoid all women named after flowers (agent Rugby Rose will provide ongoing updates with regards to this threat) and flower based cologne. If in need to smell nice, have a shower and use organic fern based products.
4) Hairdressers, make-up artists, other people related to the fashion & beauty industries and similar. They all work for the French and will want to pump you too.
5) Characters dressed in ocre/gold/yellow. They are all Crims. Beware infiltration attempts by Crims pretending to be Kiwis. Can tell them apart by the annoying accent, bad manners and lack of … well everything, actually.
If in severe need of hygienic intercourse with females members of the international rugby community (aka Rugby Universe) restrict to the following preferred nationalities (in no particular order): Italians, Romanians, Canadians, Portuguese, Namibian, Georgian, Argentinian or Kiwis.
Dissemination list:
KingRichardVII
The Props and The Hookers (specially the Hookers)
MasterGH
Jedi
RRT
SIR
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Comment by Gato September 3, 2007 @ 7:45 am[Closing ports: encryption time 00:00: 11.83]
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Gato man, u rock!
hehehe
Comment by dreamzmedia September 4, 2007 @ 4:20 am